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I’m a Softy in bed. Sex is very important to me, like a lot and often. But I have some special preferences. Also because I can take too pornographic cock seriously; maybe this is also a hidden embarrassment. But it’s not like I didn’t try.

Once, for example, my then-girlfriend and I went to the bathroom, but did not finish us there for going out, but tore us off the clothes. So it started well.

But then I stepped on the shower curtain and ripped the tie rod out of the wall, she fell down on us. Then I put her on the washing machine, she wrapped her legs around me, but I just didn’t get close to her. So down on the toilet cover-that was now too deep to bang comfortably.

Meanwhile, we were both totally annoyed, only out of pride we started the last attempt. But we also had to cancel it because, while my girlfriend hugged the washing machine, the ON/OFF button drilled in her thighs.

Sometimes I have to laugh because in porn everything is incredibly horny, and how uneasy the reality in comparison. Porn actors can be anywhere: standing (I’ve never got a reasonable way), pressed to the wall, in the car. It looks like you have the sex of your life. No matter if there was a plumber just an hour sweating under the sink, the housewife gives a blowjob to say goodbye. No thank you.

Sometimes I’m scared of how far this industry has reached in our pop culture and our everyday life. Advertising Pornhub goes viral as if it was a fun cat video. And when my affair suddenly roars around in English (“Oh, you are so great, don’t stop, OMG!”), I advise her internally to reduce her porn consumption.

Maybe you should watch for every Pornhub minute also a minute realistic couple sex. Small clips, in which the type, for example, does not catch the condom pack, then the condom moves up wrong, to the next pack must, but this does not catch up again. For the perspective. So you don’t get stuck in your porno fantasy like that.

Porn provides a lot of ideas that you could try out. Even if I’m a Softy, I’m open to new things. I like it when an experienced woman surprises me. It’s just not allowed to come over as if there’s just a movie in her back of my head, in which I’m just a statistician.

Recently, for example, a date pretty quickly invited me to his home. The foreplay consisted solely of taking off. Then she immediately began to ride me very fast and hard, while she hardly looked at me. When I turned on her, she grabbed my hand and put herself on her neck.

I didn’t come back. I’ve never choked a woman during sex and was also a bit confused by this domination game. Did she just tell me how to dominate her? If I think too much about sex, it kills my vibe.

Nevertheless, this woman impressed me and aroused my curiosity for the game with dominance. Do I have secret desires that I do not admit to myself?

Sex is not horny! I can’t come like this.

James, 16: I’ve been a girlfriend for almost four months. We’ve had sex for a month, but I’m not coming to the peak. It’s not like I don’t want it. But somehow it’s not cool enough to come. What can that be?

Dear James,

when boys get no orgasm during sex, it is often not because of the fact that something goes wrong during sexual intercourse. The reason is very often another:

Long before the first time, you have probably started to satisfy yourself. During the time, you tried different techniques and found out how to get to orgasm as quickly as possible. Maybe you’ve looked at porn at some point to get you in the mood even faster. In this way, many boys develop a self-service technique in which they look hard with their penis and additionally need strong visual stimuli. The body gets used to this and at some point needs this strong stimulus to come to the peak.

Sex with a girl, on the other hand, is quite different. Feeling her vagina is much more tender than your hand. Even if she straightens her vagina muscles, she can’t increase the pressure to match your hand. Their movements can only be short as fast as is often the case with the SB. Frequent change of position often does not bring the required strong Stimulation.

That’s why it’s time for you to change something when you’re self-indulging if you want to experience more intense sex with your girlfriend. First step: take a break with fast self-liberation and porn, if you look at them. Attempts in the SB, very slowly, without much pressure, and fast movements and with Your own fantasies in arousal. Build up excitement and let it cool down a little again to then get back into motion. Get to know the subtle stages in which your body is excitable and enjoy to come only after many minutes. Maybe don’t masturbate for two weeks.

And then start to see your girlfriend’s body as a whole when you sleep with her. Because it is not only the skillful in and out of the penis that makes sex “horny”. Rather, it is about experiencing with all senses how you excite your girlfriend, feel each of your movements all over your body and enjoy your closeness and fusion. Having no orgasm is normal. But if you fully open your senses and not only look for the quick orgasm, then so much relaxation comes into the matter, that you will soon come to the peak. Try it out. With many other boys who are like you, it has already worked out this way.